The joy of internet cafes

I didn't post in a long time - almost a week now.
I miss it. But really depending on internet cafes is not the best thing to run a blog.
I usually just run in, check my emails, reply to the absolute necessary, and run out again, often without even logging onto my blog.
I thought I would post today, because I probably won't post for another week at least, as I have a friend coming over tonight to stay for ten days. I am planning on doing a bit of sightseeing with her, maybe going to the North of Ireland, visiting areas I have never seen like the Giants' Causeway, and going back down through Newgrange and Tara, which I have also surprisingly never seen. I can't quite imagine stopping in the middle of the journey to write on my blog - although I am quite sure she wouldn't mind. We'll see.
Well, the last week has been interesting, with my laptop getting picked up for repair, and then I went to spend the weekend at a friend's house near Louisburgh, in county Mayo. The weather was very strange, reliably unpredictable, with hail alternating with sleet, heavy rain and sun, with gusty winds as a common factor. I even saw a snowstorm!! Amazing.
These frequent changes in the weather meant the lights and skies were always gorgeous and unusual, and I took pretty nice pictures.
It made me think that I wouldn't mind being a part time professional photographer. Landscape photographer mostly I'd say. I am not so interested in portraits, but love to catch an interesting light, particularly vibrant colours or a fleeting but beautiful rainbow. I'll have a look into what I'd need to do that.
I also reflected a bit on what I want to do, and found that I would enjoy working with wine. I remember the two seasons I spent working in the lab of a wine cooperative as some of my best work experience as a student, and I enjoyed the whole wine culture an awful lot.
And hey, if I want to go to California, it's not a bad thing to do!
Maybe I'll find a summer course in oenology in France. That's the advantage of coming from the Bordeaux area I guess...
OK better go back, I have heaps of things left (you know, ironing, cleaning kinda things...) to do before picking up my friend at the airport just after 7pm. I'll try and post soon enough again though.
I really can't wait to have my laptop back, and the freedom of connecting onto the internet whenever I want to.

The morning after

OK so the short story is now sent, the deadline is over, and I did it.
Now what?
Today I slept late, making up for the lost sleep of the night before. I then met up with a friend who had invited me for lunch in the new hotel in Ballybrit, and that was lovely.
But when I arrived home afterwards, around 3:30pm, I thought great, but what do I do now?
So I ended up watching Sideways in the middle of the afternoon. I am not sure it is exactly where I want to go in California, might be a little bit more South, but still these vineyard landscapes are fabulous, basking in an amazing golden light.
And after the movie the question came back poking at me.
It is amazing how the aftermath of adrenaline filled days such as the ones running up to a deadline can feel empty and slightly depressing. Almost like a hangover.
I know what is coming. Days of sorting stuff, checking out what I really want to keep or what I have to leave behind when I leave Ireland, keeping in mind that I can only take with me one car load of stuff. Not to mention the administrative things to go through, accounts to close and all the other activities linked to leaving a country. And all that sort of things.
But right now, I can feel the adrenaline is down, there is no rush, nothing really matters anymore, and it feels slightly empty.
I was thinking yesterday that I actually like deadlines, especially the last few days before the date due, as they are so productive and creative. I also like the very first moments after I meet the deadline, the relief, pride, deep breaths. But the day after feels strange.
Until I start working on the next deadline...
Oh and by the way, I might not post anything for a while, as I am sending my laptop for repair tomorrow afternoon, and won't have it for a couple of weeks, so my posts will follow my visits to internet cafés.

Relief and tiredness

Well, it is now just after 7pm, and I feel like I could go to bed right now and I would probably sleep through to the morning...
Now that the whole story is finished, packed and sent (thank God for Express Post), the adrenaline is down, and I can really feel the lack of sleep.
But I am happy. I did it.
I ended up modifying quite a few things this morning before going to Tai Chi, and working a good two hours on the story before printing it.
My story is set in a small town in the West of Ireland, around where I live (although it is an imaginary town really), and I had my character getting ill and having to go to hospital, which I had set in the same town, until I realised this morning that it doesn't work. The only hospital around here is in Galway, so my character just had to go to Galway. So I had to edit a couple of paragraphs, and it was fun to actually get out the map of Galway to make sure I was mentioning the right street names and taxi ranks, which really are the places where I go every time I am in town. I feel that it made my story sound much more real than before.
Of course I didn't have time to get the story proofread by a native speaker, so I can only hope that I didn't make major mistakes. But I read a few paragraphs aloud, and it felt good. The story flows well. And now it is gone, so we'll see what happens.
No matter what, I am quite proud of having written my longest story so far, over 5000 words (just over 15 pages double spaced).
And now I can rest. I will have to anyway, as I am giving my computer for repair on Friday, and it will be gone for 7-10 working days.
I will need to start working on my next assignment for the writing course though, as it is due on the 6th of April. It is only a 1000 words assignment though, I can write it on paper until I get the laptop back.
I think I am going to take it easy tonight, maybe watch a movie (I bought a DVD of Sideways, as it is set in the area I want to go to in California - I had watched it in the cinema, but I would like to watch it again to get a better feel of the landscapes. Might do that tonight), or read a book (have just started Pride and Prejudice, alongside the other 2-3 books I am reading).
Life is good really.

In God's Hands

Well I really thought I wouldn't manage...
I came back yesterday from the organic farm with a huge headache, wondering how the hell I was supposed to write when no thought could cross my mind without making me wince with pain.
So I just had a cup of nice herbal tea, a quick bath, and went to bed. It was about 5pm I think. I woke up after 7pm, a bit better, forehead still pounding a bit.
It took me a while to really wake up fully, and at around 9pm, I was in front of the computer, pulling my hair out because the screen was flickering and going off all the time, and also because I felt that everything I had written the night before needed to be redone. That meant I was once again at half of my story.
So I wrote, and wrote. At 1am I had 3700 words - needed to have at least 4500 to enter - and was not near finished in my storyline. I could have cried.
But little by little, somehow, it came, and I managed to shape the story differently. One character ended up a bit different than the night before, but actually much more real.
And just after 2am, I wrote the last sentence, and had the huge satisfaction of typing The End underneath. Woohoo!!!
And still managed to wake up before 8am this morning, so I have time to reread through it, print it, and post it before going to Tai Chi at 11am.
I am quite proud I managed to finish it. I am also happy it turned out exactly the way I wanted it to.
OK better go and proofread the story now.
And from today on, it's in God's hands really. It is quite nice to let it go completely.
I will go to the shop where I bought my laptop today so they can repair the screen that goes off so annoyingly in the middle of important things. That means I won't be online for a few days, so I might pop into internet cafés in town, but don't worry if you don't see me everyday for the next few days.

Almost finished!

Well, I am in the last straight line, and can already see the finish line with my short story for the contest. The temptation is big to just go to bed and sleep right now. Thoughts like "it's almost finished, I can do the rest tomorrow" or "I'll manage somehow even if I don't do more today" go through my head, but I know I really should finish it tonight, so I can give myself tomorrow evening to go over the whole story, edit bits and pieces, and print it.
It's true, I am tired, and would rather just forget about the whole thing and dig a little hole in the earth, cuddle up and fall asleep, but I can feel that is just avoidance. I know better than that. That sudden tiredness so early in the evening is telling me something.
I know, another 700-1000 words and the whole story will be finished. Wow. It is the longest story (it will probably be about 4500-5000 words, or 15 pages, by the time I finish it) I have ever written. Just as such, it is an achievement.
Err... Or maybe I should finish it before I celebrate...
Let's not sell the bear's skin before killing the bear, like they say in French.
OK I will just take a small break and get back to it.
And tomorrow I am working at the organic farm, so that will take my mind off it, and I should be able to get back to it in the evening with a fresh mind and new insights to edit and enhance it.
Yes I know. It will all be OK.

The Messiah

Today I found myself in town with a mission. I had just had breakfast with a friend I hadn't met in a long time, and after leaving the café, I thought that I didn't have any CD with a proper version of Haendel's Messiah, and suddenly I absolutely needed one, today.
So I went to a few different music stores, many had a very poor choice of classical music, only things like "Chill out with Haendel" or so, which didn't really address my need.
At last I remembered that little music shop on Middle street, that often has many unusual CDs. I had bought the whole collection of George Winston CDs there many years ago. And sure enough, they had a complete version of the Messiah, directed by Edward Higginbottom and sung by the Choir of New College Oxford, played by the Academy of Ancient Music. I listened to the two CDs in one go as soon as I was home, and could feel tears coming up to my eyes at the fresh sound of beautifully trained young voices. It is a lovely version, with children singing the soprano voice, and a countertenor for the alto arias. The tenor and bass have perfect voices for Baroque music, and a depth that reaches the core of my being, hitting me somewhere behind my stomach, knotting my throat with emotion.
I have to admit that the Messiah is an old favourite of mine. I can listen to it again and again, and it holds memories of some of my happiest times with my family, where we were all singing For unto us a Child is born, or listening to my brother imitating the trumpet, then singing The trumpet shall sound. Oh yes, we shared, and still share, many beautiful moments every time we meet and gather around the piano, feeling the warmth deep in our heart as we let the peace, the love and the happiness of being together wash over us with the music's rhythmical waves.

Everything will be OK

I have another few days before sending off my short story to the TV contest...
Hmmm... Scary.
I am more or less in the middle of it, and find it hard to get the motivation to work at it. I am pretty sure I'll manage to finish it on time, probably by writing it quite fast, as I usually do thing. But in the meantime, while I am not doing it, there is that feeling lingering at the back of my mind, half guilt, half impatience, half laziness, and half some sort of vague unease (OK, by now I have 200% of feelings, but well, you know what I mean).
Well, I suppose I'll embrace it.
I noticed that embracing all feelings and emotions that I experience, whether I label them good or bad, always makes the journey towards restored peace much faster.
So let's do it again now.
I can also feel the pull towards organising my move away from Ireland. There is a feeling of urgency that can get quite stressful. But maybe if I start an excel sheet now, writing down all the steps I need to go through, it will at least remove the fear of forgetting something from it all.
Yep. So I'll try that as well, and see how it feels.
I can feel the hugeness of the transition I have started, but I also know that if I embrace it moment after moment, each day as it comes, it will be alright.

Back on track

Today I woke up early, and felt great jumping out of bed around 8am for the first time in a long time, it seems. I even spent some time writing and working at my short story for the TV contest I want to enter.
The deadline is next Thursday, all entries have to be sent as hard copies over the post, and I have so far about 2000 words written - goal is 4500 to 5500 words. So there is still a lot to write, but I know I will make it.
I feel like I am back on track now, with full dedication, and I know that the time I spent "wasting my time" was actually useful in my growth and personal development, which is important if I want to be a writer, or indeed if I want to be anything really.
So I'll see how it goes over the next few days, but I won't overstress myself, as I have a friend staying over until Friday or Saturday morning. I know that no matter what, I will make it.

Back to nature!

I did it!
I finally went to spend a day helping the organic farmers who deliver my vegetables.
I spent quite a few hours weeding, sowing and watering, with my hands deep in the soil. I met plenty of worms, played with dogs, and spent lovely time outside, well in a tunnel, but with plenty of fresh air.
It was beautiful to do these simple things, tiring too, but I can feel a healthy tiredness in my bones and muscles. Especially in my back - Ha! I can imagine how it will be tomorrow morning when I get up. But the hour and a half of Tai Chi tomorrow should fix it all!
I am looking forward to going back there next week and doing another day!
Well, I feel quite tired now so it looks like it will probably be an early night. My nights are easier since I went to Kerry by the way, and I seem to be back on track, waking up when it is still morning, and following a rhythm that feels good to me. Woohoo!
Oh yes and I wanted to add a picture here... When I was in Ballyferreter, at the end of the Dingle Peninsula, on Saturday, I saw a baby seal on the beach. He was so cute, and all alone, and I could approach him until I was about 2 meters away from him. When I tried to come closer, he raised his head, erected his whiskers and emitted a groaning noise that made it clear that he felt threatened, so I stopped. I have no idea why he was there on the beach on his own, but as he didn't look hurt, I thought he would probably meet his family again as soon as the tide would reach him. Here is a picture of this lovely encounter:

The Kingdom - part 2

Well, I am back. And, after 4 hours drive in the lashing rain, exhausted.
Today was really miserable weather-wise. Rain, rain, rain, not one moment of respite, not one ray of sun. Everything looked dull and all views were masked by the foggy effect of blustery rain. So I decided to skip any scenic road, and focus on anything I could do indoors instead. And Kerry seems to be full of little art galleries and studios here and there, at the end of impossibly narrow and convolute roads, often with grass growing in the middle. I met really nice people in the two galleries I visited, a German lady called Anke, who owns the Sneem Art Studio and Gallery, and then Etienne Muller, from South Africa, with whom I had a long chat at the Brushwoods Studios in Parknasilla Woods, in Sneem. Already the location sounds romantic, doesn't it?
Well guess what! In his family, almost everyone paints (his sister, wife, mother, daughter, and himself) and writes (his mother, his son, himself, his dad I think) so they have the art gallery to exhibit everyone's work, and they also self-publish their books. We talked a bit about what self-publishing involves, and it seems to be much more interesting, and less painful than what I thought. Definitely something to look at when I have finished writing a book. It is funny how I rejected the idea the first time I heard about it, but then it keeps coming to me through the people I talk to! OK so I open up and allow this idea to be part of my possibilities too...
Overall, this trip was beautiful. A lot of great sceneries and landscapes, but that wasn't really the point. I think I got the point in a very fleeting experience yesterday. The weather was mixed, rain alternating with sun, but always very very windy. I was driving on the ring of Kerry, past Waterville on the road towards Derrynane. The road is quite narrow there, and hugs the mountain tightly, so on the left side of the car, there are these huge panels of what seems to be red slate, in the side of the mountain. And little streams rush down the slate, and waterfall onto the road right beside the car. I was driving, slowly, right beside these huge rocks, and looking at the water streaming down them when I felt something tighten in my stomach and throat, and had that sudden short realisation that I had reached somewhere very deep in my core. I have no idea what it was. I would have liked to cry, but the moment didn't last long enough for tears to flow. Somehow, even though I am not sure what to do with that experience, I know that that's exactly why I took this trip.

The Kingdom - part 1

Well, here I am in Dingle, and I found a little internet café. I won't be long, but while I am here I just wanted to say hello to all of you who are following my blog.
The weather has been mixed today, it felt like rain, clouds and sun were fighting over who would get the sky the longest.
So far this trip has been just great, and exactly what I needed.
I didn't sleep particularly well last night, couldn't fall asleep again, and then slipped into a really light and broken sleep, and even woke up from myself at 6:30am!!! I am sure it will be better tonight, already feel tired... ;)
The scenery is just spectacular here, in the Kingdom of Kerry. The drive up to Brandon's point and then through Conor pass to Dingle was just amazing. Conor pass was just lost in fog. I could see myself entering the cloud and then leaving it. It felt almost eerie. I will add pictures to my blog when I get back to Galway.
OK I am getting close to the 30 minutes threshold at the internet café so will stop here, looking forward to tell more about it when I get back to Galway.

Kerry, here I come!

Well my decision is now firmly made, and my B&B's are booked - well for Thursday and Friday anyway. I will leave tomorrow afternoon, and come back on Monday evening.
I can't wait to explore the Dingle peninsula and the Ring of Kerry again. I loved these areas of Ireland, and I feel like I really need the change of scenery right now.
It might help me to switch off my busy busy mind, and stop worrying about everything, and fall asleep normally again, and not after one or two hours of turning and tossing in bed, as it has been for the past few nights, with and without coffee...
I bought food for pick-nicks, and plan on making a thermos flask of soup for the journey. I can feel my heart fill with joy at the mere thought of these few days.
So I might not post on my blog until Monday or Tuesday evening, depending on what time I get back home on Monday night, and if I find wireless areas or internet connections in B&B's or not.
I hope the change will help me to feel like writing again, like creating, and like exploring myself and what I want. I trust and feel it will.
I know it will also help to take a lot of distance with the nitty-gritty of daily life, and will pump new energy into my dreams. I also know I will come back refreshed, renewed in some way, energetic and relaxed.

Here I add a little note especially for my brother Cédric who will be 37 (sorry my mistake, he will be 38) on Sunday, just because I probably won't get to call him on the day:
JOYEUX ANNIVERSAIRE CEDRIC!!! Et tous mes voeux pour une excellente nouvelle année, remplie de ce qui t'est le plus cher!! Bisous ...