Decision

OK it is time to write here.
Yes I have made a decision.
My decision is to use my energy on building a healing business here in Bordeaux.
I am working on a plan to get there right now. Plenty of things to do, to check out, to prepare. A first gig on the 22nd of May, with a friend who invited me to talk about what I do in front of the 20 something members of her association. She believes quite a few people there would be interested.

It feels good in a way, and depressing in another.
I feel like I am mourning San Francisco, all the friends and hopes I have left there.
And interestingly, it is the first time I do this since I came back. I had managed until now to stay so connected and linked to them, that I almost hadn't noticed I was away. Hence nothing was moving. I wasn't really here.
Now I am regrouping my energy to build something here, and it is slowly sinking in that I won't see them for quite a while, and I am withdrawing my energy from them, from there, and bringing it back here.
It is a bit painful, but it feels good, because I can feel I am getting more centered. More me.

Birthday

I wake up, look at my watch. It is just about 7am.
I smile, turn over to my side, pull the quilt to right under my chin, and close my eyes again.
I can hear the birds singing outside.
It is just perfect.
An hour later, I get up, a sleepy smile still on my face. I go to my bag, where I recover the eleven Millionaire scratch cards I have bought over the last week, as my fun birthday present for myself, take a coin, and walk down the stairs to the kitchen, where everyone - my parents and aunts - is waiting for me with a Happy Birthday already formed on the lips.
I kiss everyone, sit down, and start scratching.
First card nothing. Second nothing. Third nothing.
And suddenly a few cards win a bit, and I end up winning 164€ over the 11 cards. Not bad.
This day feels good.
I feel joyful, empowered, playful.
The sun is shining, it is a pretty warm day, time to wear open shoes.
I am so grateful.