I made a decision.
Enough of pyramid schemes and snowball schemes (found out the website I set up is actually illegal in France, would potentially bring a 4500 Euros fine and a year in jail, not to mention the closing of my paypal account... So I took the site down and removed the ads I had placed that linked to it).
They bring me away from where I want to go.
And I end up spending a lot of time on the web, getting all frustrated because I have to do things I really don't want to spend time on, e.g. advertising a scam...
It makes me anxious and annoyed and really gives me the feeling that I am wasting my time - which I am.
So now back to the beginning, not knowing where to start, not quite knowing what to do, or in which direction to go first.
I find it hard to let go and just trust. I feel like I should hysterically do things to get myself out of this stage of not knowing, but the more I do, the more fog there is around me and the less I know where to go.
Sometimes I'd like someone else to tell me what to do. Yet I know so well that I won't accept anyone else directing my path anymore. No way.
2 comments:
sigh. . . .
the Dalai Lama is supposed to have said: "Judge your success by what you had to give up in order
to get it." Maybe you'll think of that, even if you don't want to think of similar sentiments you could find in biblical scripture.
A lotto, get-rich-quick mentality is a real thief. Not only of the richness you currently have in life (as you long for something you don't have), but also of any satisfaction you might hope to derive from any accomplishments in the future.
I'm sorry to see your agony at this stage, but I pray it will lead you into valuable wisdom. In that regard, it signals the unstateable value of what it is you are seeking. (and it ain't pyramid schemes and internet marketing efforts)
Maybe a mundane, totally-less-than-perfect job would settle you a bit? For a bit?
Thanks Prophet.
I realized last night that this stage is only painful as long as I focus on lack and not on abundance. As such you are right about the richness I currently have in my life...
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