This transition is not easy.
I am starting to think that my plan of being back in San Francisco within the next 2 months might be a teeny bit too optimistic... That makes me feel sad, disappointed and discouraged.
Yet I am very aware that I am creating my own reality, right now.
And right now I am oozing fear and scarcity rather than joy, grace and abundance.
I am finding it hard to go back to feeling abundant, and at the same time I know that the more I feel scarce, the more I attract scarcity. Hmmm not helping.
I am not sure what is my next step.
Well, there are two next steps for this week: one is tomorrow, where I am going to the town hall to apply for the RMI (revenu minimum d'insertion), which is the minimum amount of financial help the state will give to people who don't qualify for unemployment benefit. About €400/month or so... Already something. Argh and here I am so much in scarcity again.
The second step is more positive: it is the company creation workshop on Friday. That should be really interesting. We'll see what comes out of it.
I have the feeling that instead of focusing so much energy trying to find a job on the internet, I could decide to spend time clarifying and narrowing down what I want to do. What do I really want my days to look like? Where and how do I want to spend my energy? What do I want to achieve professionally?
Yes that feels like a good idea.
Let's see what comes from it.
Sunday, January 6, 2008
Friday, January 4, 2008
Unemployment administration
What a day!
I spent about 4 hours today going from one administration to the next to register as an unemployed person, check if I am eligible for unemployment benefit (turns out I am not), get the papers to register for the social security (haven't been registered in at least 6 years), get the papers to ask for the little bit of money I can claim when I have no other rights, and talk to the employment agency to look for a job.
Phew!
Now I am back home, and actually feel much better than yesterday. First, because I took care of all that admin stuff (still have a few things to do on Monday, but the worst is done).
And also, because it gave me new ideas and insights.
1. There is an organism in Bordeaux that helps people to find jobs in foreign countries. Wouldn't it be great if they had a job for me in San Francisco?? Will investigate.
2. I signed up for a one day workshop next Friday on how to create a business. Useful information I need to have if I want to do anything on my own, even if it is to create something on the web, or to give healing sessions at home...
3. How about I go to my aunts in Bordeaux for a while and look for a job in Bordeaux? Would be incredibly easier for me to live there when I don't have a car, as it is a city, with public transport and all, and they have more potential jobs for me than the few 2000-people-towns in my neighborhood here... My aunts agreed, so I might just do that, after the business creation workshop next week...
I feel so much lighter.
I can feel the abundance that is in my life again.
So to celebrate, I am going to the cinema tonight!
I spent about 4 hours today going from one administration to the next to register as an unemployed person, check if I am eligible for unemployment benefit (turns out I am not), get the papers to register for the social security (haven't been registered in at least 6 years), get the papers to ask for the little bit of money I can claim when I have no other rights, and talk to the employment agency to look for a job.
Phew!
Now I am back home, and actually feel much better than yesterday. First, because I took care of all that admin stuff (still have a few things to do on Monday, but the worst is done).
And also, because it gave me new ideas and insights.
1. There is an organism in Bordeaux that helps people to find jobs in foreign countries. Wouldn't it be great if they had a job for me in San Francisco?? Will investigate.
2. I signed up for a one day workshop next Friday on how to create a business. Useful information I need to have if I want to do anything on my own, even if it is to create something on the web, or to give healing sessions at home...
3. How about I go to my aunts in Bordeaux for a while and look for a job in Bordeaux? Would be incredibly easier for me to live there when I don't have a car, as it is a city, with public transport and all, and they have more potential jobs for me than the few 2000-people-towns in my neighborhood here... My aunts agreed, so I might just do that, after the business creation workshop next week...
I feel so much lighter.
I can feel the abundance that is in my life again.
So to celebrate, I am going to the cinema tonight!
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Beginnings
I made a decision.
Enough of pyramid schemes and snowball schemes (found out the website I set up is actually illegal in France, would potentially bring a 4500 Euros fine and a year in jail, not to mention the closing of my paypal account... So I took the site down and removed the ads I had placed that linked to it).
They bring me away from where I want to go.
And I end up spending a lot of time on the web, getting all frustrated because I have to do things I really don't want to spend time on, e.g. advertising a scam...
It makes me anxious and annoyed and really gives me the feeling that I am wasting my time - which I am.
So now back to the beginning, not knowing where to start, not quite knowing what to do, or in which direction to go first.
I find it hard to let go and just trust. I feel like I should hysterically do things to get myself out of this stage of not knowing, but the more I do, the more fog there is around me and the less I know where to go.
Sometimes I'd like someone else to tell me what to do. Yet I know so well that I won't accept anyone else directing my path anymore. No way.
Enough of pyramid schemes and snowball schemes (found out the website I set up is actually illegal in France, would potentially bring a 4500 Euros fine and a year in jail, not to mention the closing of my paypal account... So I took the site down and removed the ads I had placed that linked to it).
They bring me away from where I want to go.
And I end up spending a lot of time on the web, getting all frustrated because I have to do things I really don't want to spend time on, e.g. advertising a scam...
It makes me anxious and annoyed and really gives me the feeling that I am wasting my time - which I am.
So now back to the beginning, not knowing where to start, not quite knowing what to do, or in which direction to go first.
I find it hard to let go and just trust. I feel like I should hysterically do things to get myself out of this stage of not knowing, but the more I do, the more fog there is around me and the less I know where to go.
Sometimes I'd like someone else to tell me what to do. Yet I know so well that I won't accept anyone else directing my path anymore. No way.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Internet, and patience
I spent a lot of time on the internet today.
Signed up for one of these stupid pyramid schemes, and before giving up on it altogether and accepting that my 30 euros were lost, I thought why not try and give it a chance? So I spent time looking at advertising on the web, how to generate traffic, etc... I am sure this learning time is going to be useful later, pyramid scheme or not.
I feel a bit spaced out now though. Being on a computer all day tends to do that to me...
I want to spend a bit of time taking care of my cafepress shop and setting it up properly, and researching all the blogging possibilities and ways of earning money through blogging.
I also took an appointment with the Social Welfare office for Friday, so I also deal with the administrative details linked with me being here and officially unemployed. So far I have been impressed with French administration, as people were actually really nice and helpful on the phone!
And beside all that, I feel like I am boiling up inside. I want things to go faster, to be clearer, and to allow me to plan properly. Right now I am pedaling in a yogurt-like substance, and it feels exhausting and frustrating.
Patience, I guess...
Signed up for one of these stupid pyramid schemes, and before giving up on it altogether and accepting that my 30 euros were lost, I thought why not try and give it a chance? So I spent time looking at advertising on the web, how to generate traffic, etc... I am sure this learning time is going to be useful later, pyramid scheme or not.
I feel a bit spaced out now though. Being on a computer all day tends to do that to me...
I want to spend a bit of time taking care of my cafepress shop and setting it up properly, and researching all the blogging possibilities and ways of earning money through blogging.
I also took an appointment with the Social Welfare office for Friday, so I also deal with the administrative details linked with me being here and officially unemployed. So far I have been impressed with French administration, as people were actually really nice and helpful on the phone!
And beside all that, I feel like I am boiling up inside. I want things to go faster, to be clearer, and to allow me to plan properly. Right now I am pedaling in a yogurt-like substance, and it feels exhausting and frustrating.
Patience, I guess...
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
100th post - Happy New Year
This is the 100th post I am writing on this blog.
Wow.
When I remember where and who I was when I started it, I can't help but being amazed at last year's journey.
Now the question is: what am I going to build for 2008?
What do I want? What am I going to create?
I feel like I could do anything, I just need to choose what I actually want.
One thing I know is that I want to go back to San Francisco as soon as possible.
And I want abundance. I want to have the resources I need to do anything I want to do.
I want to open up and expand and share more of who I am.
I feel like I have gone through a long and deep internalization era, and now the time is coming for me to go outwards.
And it feels good.
So we'll see what comes, and how it comes.
Wow.
When I remember where and who I was when I started it, I can't help but being amazed at last year's journey.
Now the question is: what am I going to build for 2008?
What do I want? What am I going to create?
I feel like I could do anything, I just need to choose what I actually want.
One thing I know is that I want to go back to San Francisco as soon as possible.
And I want abundance. I want to have the resources I need to do anything I want to do.
I want to open up and expand and share more of who I am.
I feel like I have gone through a long and deep internalization era, and now the time is coming for me to go outwards.
And it feels good.
So we'll see what comes, and how it comes.
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