Christmas eve

Christmas eve - I remember when I was a kid... The excitement of this day. There would be presents and everyone together and good food and singing and playing music and going to bed late. Most often there would be me throwing up at some point too... Not sure if it was just too much excitement or too much food - maybe a combination of both.
Today things are different.
My brother's kids are excited, not sure they quite feel the way I used to feel then though.
I am enjoying the company and sharing and connection with my family much more than I used to. And I don't care about presents anymore. Maybe I care more about the food...
And I don't throw up anymore. I probably can hold more energy (and more food) than then...
Again, let's not talk so fast, the night is still young, and I did get sick last New Year's Eve (nothing to do with the drinking, I swear, just couldn't digest the strange frozen cake that had been brought by a friend for dessert)...
Things are different today. I am different. I don't care about the same things anymore.
I feel so grateful for my family and the way I feel loved even when nothing is said.
I feel loved even though there are many things I can't quite share, many things they wouldn't understand about me. It doesn't matter. I don't have to explain.
They can feel me. They love me.
I love them.
It is enough.