Back home

Well, I am back home, and heavily jetlagged...
It took me almost 24 hours door to door to get home, finally, between the flight delays and lost luggage and all...
But I got home safely, and am now settled in my room again.
As if San Francisco hadn't happened.
Yet it has happened and I feel different. Changed. At a very deep level.
I look at things and people differently.
I want to go back there, and settle there, and am not quite sure how yet, but I don't feel anxious about it, or impatient to know what will happen or how things will unfold.

I am back home, back into the strongest and oldest dynamics and patterns or my life.
Back into my yearning to be seen and loved, my desire to fit in and my fear of not fitting in. This is where it all started. As such, it is a very powerful place to be.
It holds a lot of drama and also potential for growth. This is how I want to see it.
It took me a while to get used to the idea of coming back home.
I was in San Francisco, and had these intense moments of repeating thoughts going wild with "I don't want to go back, I don't want to go back, I don't want to go back". And one day suddenly it shifted. I let go of the fear of coming back home. I also let go of the fear of how am I going to go back there, when will it be, what kind of visa, how do I get such a visa, etc...
Everything just dropped to a state of acceptance, and I can see the challenge I face, and how I can make the best of it, and how it is a beautiful place to be.
It is funny how every time I came back home after being away it took me a while to adjust, and during that time I felt pulled. My energy was not really here, it was still somewhere else.
And right now, it is different. My energy is here. It stays with me, no matter where I am. So I can stay present and take care of myself.

Wow! I have changed.