I am reading the Golden Compass at the moment. Haven't seen the movie yet, would love to see it as soon as I can.
In the meantime, I found the link to meeting my own Daemon (half soul, half best friend) on Darcy's blog (http://darxyanne.blogspot.com), so here it is:
What do you think? Does it fit my personality? You have 12 days to give your feedback, and then the Daemon will settle into its final form...
Game on!
Friday, January 18, 2008
Thursday, January 17, 2008
City life and connection
It is not so easy to really connect with people in a city. There are more people to connect with than in the country side, but they are also often more guarded.
And so far it has been quite hard to even find someone who was open enough to engaging a conversation. But yesterday I found a little cafe that felt good. Sort of community cafe, focusing on serving organic local produce and being open to local life and exchanges. There I could connect with people. It felt good.
So I am going to go back there today and see how it feels.
I can feel things are starting to move. Most importantly I am starting to drop my resistance.
Since I came back from San Francisco I felt like the most important thing for me was to find some way to get back there asap. Yet when I am in that space I miss the whole point.
The most important thing for me is to be here, now.
It doesn't even matter if I ever go back to San Francisco in my whole life. While I am here, now, I want to be here and now 100%. Open, relaxed, enjoying my time and what I am doing.
I have had huge resistance to it. I felt like the only people I wanted to be with, the only people I could connect with and be open with were the ones I met in San Francisco. I felt scarce. Like there were not enough like-minded people here for me to connect with them.
I have realized that it was an illusion, a self-made construct.
There is abundance. Here as well.
And so far it has been quite hard to even find someone who was open enough to engaging a conversation. But yesterday I found a little cafe that felt good. Sort of community cafe, focusing on serving organic local produce and being open to local life and exchanges. There I could connect with people. It felt good.
So I am going to go back there today and see how it feels.
I can feel things are starting to move. Most importantly I am starting to drop my resistance.
Since I came back from San Francisco I felt like the most important thing for me was to find some way to get back there asap. Yet when I am in that space I miss the whole point.
The most important thing for me is to be here, now.
It doesn't even matter if I ever go back to San Francisco in my whole life. While I am here, now, I want to be here and now 100%. Open, relaxed, enjoying my time and what I am doing.
I have had huge resistance to it. I felt like the only people I wanted to be with, the only people I could connect with and be open with were the ones I met in San Francisco. I felt scarce. Like there were not enough like-minded people here for me to connect with them.
I have realized that it was an illusion, a self-made construct.
There is abundance. Here as well.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
City life, soon
I am going to Bordeaux tomorrow evening. Will stay there for the week, and it will probably be my base for a while.
From there, I will be able to move around without a car, with public transports and walking. I will also be able to meet people and maybe find some kind of job.
Thinking about it feels like a breath of fresh air.
I will be staying at my aunts in Bordeaux, which gives me a stable base to start my investigations from.
I am looking forward to it. It is not easy to be in the middle of the countryside without a car. I love spending time with my parents, but I feel stuck. I need to get on with my life and start doing something for myself.
Well no.
I don't need to do so much. I need to trust.
Trusting my intuition is part of it. And my intuition tells me to go to Bordeaux.
Packing again... I realize how I don't like packing. Yet I do it all the time. What do I take, what will I need. Another opportunity to just trust.
I am so tired right now. I think I'll go to sleep and will finish tomorrow...
From there, I will be able to move around without a car, with public transports and walking. I will also be able to meet people and maybe find some kind of job.
Thinking about it feels like a breath of fresh air.
I will be staying at my aunts in Bordeaux, which gives me a stable base to start my investigations from.
I am looking forward to it. It is not easy to be in the middle of the countryside without a car. I love spending time with my parents, but I feel stuck. I need to get on with my life and start doing something for myself.
Well no.
I don't need to do so much. I need to trust.
Trusting my intuition is part of it. And my intuition tells me to go to Bordeaux.
Packing again... I realize how I don't like packing. Yet I do it all the time. What do I take, what will I need. Another opportunity to just trust.
I am so tired right now. I think I'll go to sleep and will finish tomorrow...
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Fog
I feel like I am sitting in a bubble bath in the fog. Things are boiling, but I have no idea where I am, where is my next step, or where I bloody well left my towel, shoes and clothes...
It is uncomfortable.
Yet I get the feeling this is exactly where I am supposed to be. Here in the fog, not knowing where to go next. Baby steps. First step up in the water, look down right beside the bath. Look here is the towel. First baby step.
Right now my baby step is to go to the company creation workshop tomorrow. It will take all day, and then we'll see. I will have a clearer view of what it takes to create a company in France.
Then, the second baby step is to move to Bordeaux, stay at my aunts, in the city where I will be able to move around freely with public transport, meet people, maybe even find some kind of money-making activity!
And then we'll see.
One step at a time.
It is uncomfortable.
Yet I get the feeling this is exactly where I am supposed to be. Here in the fog, not knowing where to go next. Baby steps. First step up in the water, look down right beside the bath. Look here is the towel. First baby step.
Right now my baby step is to go to the company creation workshop tomorrow. It will take all day, and then we'll see. I will have a clearer view of what it takes to create a company in France.
Then, the second baby step is to move to Bordeaux, stay at my aunts, in the city where I will be able to move around freely with public transport, meet people, maybe even find some kind of money-making activity!
And then we'll see.
One step at a time.
Monday, January 7, 2008
Isabel Allende
Just watched the House of Spirits on TV, and then there was a beautiful documentary on Isabel Allende, where she talked about her life and books.
She is such an inspiration.
Watching her talk fast in Spanish - with a French voice-over - and I feel her spirit. I feel as though she is my sister. As if our souls are related. I feel her. I know what she means. My stomach churns at the thought of what she went through. Her characters grip me and speak to me so deeply I can barely hear their voice. She knows how to get through to the place where there are no words anymore, where a look is enough, where things are felt that can't be expressed, because no language has enough words.
She is there.
I read her books and feel like she read my soul. I read her books and I feel like I remember.
That's why I write. That's how I want to write.
She is such an inspiration.
Watching her talk fast in Spanish - with a French voice-over - and I feel her spirit. I feel as though she is my sister. As if our souls are related. I feel her. I know what she means. My stomach churns at the thought of what she went through. Her characters grip me and speak to me so deeply I can barely hear their voice. She knows how to get through to the place where there are no words anymore, where a look is enough, where things are felt that can't be expressed, because no language has enough words.
She is there.
I read her books and feel like she read my soul. I read her books and I feel like I remember.
That's why I write. That's how I want to write.
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