Just came back from my appointment with the unemployment office.
Three months already since I got registered there.
Three months where I looked in all directions I could think of: working on the internet (and several possibilities there), starting a company, finding a job (again several possibilities there), getting some new training.
OK it doesn't look like I did nothing.
It doesn't look like I know what I want either.
Damn. I am back to square one.
What DO I want?
What is my project?
What CAN I do NOW?
WHERE do I want to do it?
Where CAN I do it?
Ultimately the where is the only thing I am sure of: San Francisco.
There rest is a bit wobbly.
I can feel that I have the answers to all these questions somewhere inside myself. So how come they are not coming out? Now would be a good time, really....
But maybe getting back to square one means something else. Maybe it means surrender. De-constructing all the thoughts, fears and anxiety I have built around my life project. Going back to the ground.
What do I want ultimately. Beyond what it might look like.
What do I want that I would not compromise on.
I know that.
I want purpose, connection and abundance.
I want to connect in a meaningful, deep, truthful and conscious way with many people every day.
I want to wake up and do everything I do with a sense of purpose, knowing I am in alignment with who I am and who I want to be. Otherwise, it doesn't make sense.
And I want to enjoy around me the abundance that is already in me.
OK so this is the background.
This is the core of what I want.
Now I need to follow my intuition to build my project around that.
Three months already since I got registered there.
Three months where I looked in all directions I could think of: working on the internet (and several possibilities there), starting a company, finding a job (again several possibilities there), getting some new training.
OK it doesn't look like I did nothing.
It doesn't look like I know what I want either.
Damn. I am back to square one.
What DO I want?
What is my project?
What CAN I do NOW?
WHERE do I want to do it?
Where CAN I do it?
Ultimately the where is the only thing I am sure of: San Francisco.
There rest is a bit wobbly.
I can feel that I have the answers to all these questions somewhere inside myself. So how come they are not coming out? Now would be a good time, really....
But maybe getting back to square one means something else. Maybe it means surrender. De-constructing all the thoughts, fears and anxiety I have built around my life project. Going back to the ground.
What do I want ultimately. Beyond what it might look like.
What do I want that I would not compromise on.
I know that.
I want purpose, connection and abundance.
I want to connect in a meaningful, deep, truthful and conscious way with many people every day.
I want to wake up and do everything I do with a sense of purpose, knowing I am in alignment with who I am and who I want to be. Otherwise, it doesn't make sense.
And I want to enjoy around me the abundance that is already in me.
OK so this is the background.
This is the core of what I want.
Now I need to follow my intuition to build my project around that.
2 comments:
sigh. . . . Let me see if I can't turn the heat up a bit.
What purpose? Continued unemployment? A "sense of purpose" is a description of the sense - not the purpose. I can have a sense of purpose about chewing my fingernails.
Connection to what or whom? The "perfect" person - or society? Effective strangers? Maybe concentrate on how you get along with your family; your flat-mate; the slow clerk at the coffee shop.
Abundance of what? Uncertainty? Confusion? Get-rich-quick schemes? I'm not even going to comment on the "already within you" mantra affirmation. . . .
Your "core" that you "would not compromise on" is effectively unidentified. An 'intuitional project' built around such a vague core is going to be just as shaky.
San Francisco won't help until you get more of the "core" bit clear.
There's a great saying: Your life is perfectly designed to yield the results you experience.
And Einstein is supposed to have defined insanity as "doing the same thing, but expecting a different result."
You might want to think about this a little differently.
Thank you prophet.
Post a Comment