Today is a down day.
Woke up with a strange scratchy feeling in my throat. A little fog in my brain, especially if I move my head fast.
Feeling like I need to clear my throat all the time.
Getting sick again?
I am barely out of my sinusitis. Seems to be taking a long time for my body to recover.
In the meantime, many questions have come and gone.
Switzerland feels like a faraway dream, but doesn't quite feel quite right to me now. Nothing came out of the few things I tried in that direction. Maybe I didn't try with enough heart. Maybe it is not the way to go. Maybe the answer will come a bit later.
I am getting stronger in myself. It feels better to listen to my inner voice. And right now it is saying: stay put. You are exactly where you need to be. Follow your intuition every day, see where it leads you. Don't panic, no need for anxiety. You are taken care of at every moment of every day.
Yes.
So I stay in that sort of waiting paradigm. I have left the cliff, and am hanging in mid-air, have not quite landed anywhere yet. It feels like I am floating on a cloud, it is not painful, only a bit cold sometimes, and a bit lonely. I am learning to trust the instruments, even if I can't see the ground in front of me.
And still, I am learning to RECEIVE. It is not that easy to receive gracefully.
We are used to keep counting. If we receive something it means we owe something to someone. And it feels uncomfortable, almost shameful, until we have given something back, and we are even. But receiving unconditionally is something else entirely. It means being grateful for everything that is given to me, and being graceful about it. Receiving doesn't mean I am alienated. And if I keep count of what I am receiving in order to give back later, it is like an offense to the person who is giving to me so wholeheartedly and unconditionally. Feeling guilty, or ashamed, is also an offense.
Nothing is given to me right now with the purpose to alienate me. But I have the choice of how I react. I can feel alienated and like I owe something, or I can feel free and grateful. I believe the point of this situation is for me to learn the latter.
And I am learning about my strength, and how dedicated I am to finding my own path, a path that will be in alignment with who I am and who I want to be, and how I am ready to go until the end of it without compromising my soul. Yes, sometimes I panic. Sometimes I feel like I should get a job, anything, even if it means getting myself again into what I left swearing I would never go back.
But I have more and more moments of peace, where I can see the big picture, and how this transition is important in testing my values and finding out who I really am, and what I am ready to do to realize what I am.
Life is good.
I am grateful.
Woke up with a strange scratchy feeling in my throat. A little fog in my brain, especially if I move my head fast.
Feeling like I need to clear my throat all the time.
Getting sick again?
I am barely out of my sinusitis. Seems to be taking a long time for my body to recover.
In the meantime, many questions have come and gone.
Switzerland feels like a faraway dream, but doesn't quite feel quite right to me now. Nothing came out of the few things I tried in that direction. Maybe I didn't try with enough heart. Maybe it is not the way to go. Maybe the answer will come a bit later.
I am getting stronger in myself. It feels better to listen to my inner voice. And right now it is saying: stay put. You are exactly where you need to be. Follow your intuition every day, see where it leads you. Don't panic, no need for anxiety. You are taken care of at every moment of every day.
Yes.
So I stay in that sort of waiting paradigm. I have left the cliff, and am hanging in mid-air, have not quite landed anywhere yet. It feels like I am floating on a cloud, it is not painful, only a bit cold sometimes, and a bit lonely. I am learning to trust the instruments, even if I can't see the ground in front of me.
And still, I am learning to RECEIVE. It is not that easy to receive gracefully.
We are used to keep counting. If we receive something it means we owe something to someone. And it feels uncomfortable, almost shameful, until we have given something back, and we are even. But receiving unconditionally is something else entirely. It means being grateful for everything that is given to me, and being graceful about it. Receiving doesn't mean I am alienated. And if I keep count of what I am receiving in order to give back later, it is like an offense to the person who is giving to me so wholeheartedly and unconditionally. Feeling guilty, or ashamed, is also an offense.
Nothing is given to me right now with the purpose to alienate me. But I have the choice of how I react. I can feel alienated and like I owe something, or I can feel free and grateful. I believe the point of this situation is for me to learn the latter.
And I am learning about my strength, and how dedicated I am to finding my own path, a path that will be in alignment with who I am and who I want to be, and how I am ready to go until the end of it without compromising my soul. Yes, sometimes I panic. Sometimes I feel like I should get a job, anything, even if it means getting myself again into what I left swearing I would never go back.
But I have more and more moments of peace, where I can see the big picture, and how this transition is important in testing my values and finding out who I really am, and what I am ready to do to realize what I am.
Life is good.
I am grateful.
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