Back home

Well that's it.
I am home again.
After over 12 hours in the train I arrived the day before yesterday in Hendaye, where my parents picked me up. From there I dove straight back into action really.
Yesterday we were invited for lunch at some friends of my parents' on the way back from the Pyrenees, and last night we had a goodbye party for a friend / ex-teacher of mine who is retiring.
This morning I took the train to Bordeaux where I had a doctor's appointment - just a normal check-up, nothing serious, and my aunt drove me back in the afternoon.
I feel almost as if I had never left, but at the same time I cannot forget that I did go.
I can feel my heart is split open. I miss my Camino friends, Renate, Albert, Gabi, Christine, Paolo, and all the people who have counted so much for me, and became my family while I was walking. So I can feel like I am functioning, acting normal in the "real world", answering people's questions and all, but really my head and heart are still somewhere else, around Santiago, still processing the incredible amount of experiences, emotions, insights and encounters I just lived.
It feels like there is a gap between other people and me. Maybe that's why I miss my Camino family so much, because they know what I just went through, they understand what is in my eyes when I look far far away or what my silences mean. And it's OK that people here don't quite get it. How could they anyway? I can try to explain, but there are no words to really express how I feel, how numb, joyful, hopeful and sad I feel all at once.
I feel a bit as if I forgot something, but don't know what it is or where to look for it.
I can feel I need to give myself time to get back. Time to find the peace I am looking for.
I let go of many things at the lighthouse in Finisterre. I felt free, and it all made sense when I left and burnt things on the rocks there, in the fog, with the lighthouse booming its deafening warning to the boats every minute.
Coming back to Santiago, I felt an urgency to get rid of my pilgrim skin, clothes and shoes. I just needed to quickly get new, more feminine clothes and shoes, and perfume to get rid of the pilgrim smell (we had to wash my clothes twice for them to smell normal again!!). Then I had so many people to meet, to say goodbye to, and before I knew it, I was in the train, with my heart half bleeding.
So I suppose I'll just give myself the time and space I need. I will listen to myself even more, and will see how things evolve in the next few days.