So do you think I spent a couple of hours every day working on building an internet business since last Wednesday? Or thinking of my priorities, or what kind of business I want?
Nooo...
I don't even know what I bloody well did in the last week.
This seems to be a pattern by now. I start something, get really excited by it, but not for long. Withing the next days/hours/minutes I get disappointed or disillusioned, and just want to give up.
Oh yes I'd really like to have an internet business that works and earns me money. But it's too much effort, and not enough on purpose with what I really want for me to want to invest all that effort...
So I could try and find a short term job that would pay well. I have updated my CV, and learned all about cover letters, but as soon as rejections come in, I just give up and think it's not the right way.
So I could do freelance writing or translating jobs. Put up a profile on E-lance. But everyone has more experience than I do so I don't even bid for any project. It doesn't feel quite good.
So i could use this time to just write. Managed to write 3 days in a row, and then stopped.
My avoidance pattern seems to be eating me alive.
I need to make a decision and go on with it, but nothing feels right, and I don't manage to commit to anything. One step forward, one step backwards. I try all directions, but go back to square one. And don't move.
On the bright side, I can feel stuff is moving deep inside me. On the edge between conscious and unconscious. I am aware of movements, like ebb and flow movements, thick, syrupy wave moving up and down inside me. I don't know what it contains, but I know it's there. And I know that as soon as the dam breaks, there'll be no stopping me...
Until then, well...
Nooo...
I don't even know what I bloody well did in the last week.
This seems to be a pattern by now. I start something, get really excited by it, but not for long. Withing the next days/hours/minutes I get disappointed or disillusioned, and just want to give up.
Oh yes I'd really like to have an internet business that works and earns me money. But it's too much effort, and not enough on purpose with what I really want for me to want to invest all that effort...
So I could try and find a short term job that would pay well. I have updated my CV, and learned all about cover letters, but as soon as rejections come in, I just give up and think it's not the right way.
So I could do freelance writing or translating jobs. Put up a profile on E-lance. But everyone has more experience than I do so I don't even bid for any project. It doesn't feel quite good.
So i could use this time to just write. Managed to write 3 days in a row, and then stopped.
My avoidance pattern seems to be eating me alive.
I need to make a decision and go on with it, but nothing feels right, and I don't manage to commit to anything. One step forward, one step backwards. I try all directions, but go back to square one. And don't move.
On the bright side, I can feel stuff is moving deep inside me. On the edge between conscious and unconscious. I am aware of movements, like ebb and flow movements, thick, syrupy wave moving up and down inside me. I don't know what it contains, but I know it's there. And I know that as soon as the dam breaks, there'll be no stopping me...
Until then, well...
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