Home...

Today I listened to a song by French singer/songwriter Francis Cabrel called "Les murs de poussière".
The song tells the story of a man who leaves his home (his little piece of land with an old bent tree in the middle of it, the soft light of the nights beside the fire that warmed up his father and the tribe of his ancestors, and his walls of dust) to try and find what he was looking for. He goes all around the world, tries everything, and ends up deciding to go back, because there was nothing as good as his little piece of land with the old bent tree etc...
As I was trying to sing with the song (I like the southern French accent of the singer, and the joyful rhythm of the song), I found myself almost choking with tears. My throat was closed with emotion, there was no way I could sing out loud.
I hadn't listened to that song in a long time, but it had never done that to me before.
The song carries a strong idea of home.
Home.
A home for me is a place where I feel peaceful, joyful and comfortable.
I know that I am the one who makes my home, and it doesn't depend on where I am.
Maybe I am looking too far outside of myself for answers that are in me...

Life in community vs. time alone

I am realizing, while living with my parents and for the next week or so with my cousin and her family, that I need time on my own very much.
I can ignore the need for a few days, and enjoy spending time with people, especially when I haven't seen them in a long time, but after a few days I become really irritable, and absolutely need to take time on my own, to read, write, or just be alone in my room.
Today I had most of the day on my own with my aunt only, as the others went to a farm where there are plenty of activities for kids and adults alike, and I decided to stay so I could try and spend a bit of time writing.
I didn't spend much time writing, but I can feel that my mind and soul are more peaceful from the moments spent in solitude.
I do need and want to have people around me, but I have understood in the last few days how important it is for me to honor myself and give myself the time and space apart I need.
Goes back again to listening to my inner voice, really.

New page

I have now resolved all the unfinished business I still had with Ireland.
Have closed my bank account, which was the last thing I had there.
It feels good.
One page is truly turned now.
The next page is still quite white, and sometimes makes me anxious with the infinity of possibilities it offers. I could do anything. So I am now trying to narrow down to what I really want to do, and start doing it. Starting with how to start doing it.
Not always easy, but always exciting.
We'll see what comes.
Doing the camino brought new questions, and a new depth to my reflections.
There is still plenty to do, booking the flight to the USA, finding a place to stay, finding something to do there, starting to earn money somehow, etc...
But there is also plenty to be, and that is beautiful.
I know that, as long as I am faithful to who I am and what I am here for, all will be well.

Discovering writing again

The Harry Potter days have gone.
I finished the book on Saturday, devoured the half of it I had left in one go.
I just couldn't wait anymore.
And I was very very impressed.
I know I will read it again when I have time, slowly, so I can actually read through all the little paragraphs and clues I missed with my hungry way of reading it.
What a book. Made me feel like writing again.
So I started again.
One baby step at a time.
My aunt, cousin and all her family are here at the moment, so we are 8 people at all times and it makes it difficult to get time apart to truly dive into some writing or preparing for the future.
Today there was a moment though, right before lunch, where I felt I just had to honor myself and write. So after I had wriggled myself out successfully of the lunch preparing duties (there were enough people at it anyways), I went off and wrote for maybe 10 minutes.
When I came back to eat, my mum noticed my gaze looking far far away and asked me if I was still in it. Hmmm. Yes I was.
We'll see what comes in the next few days. I know I will need to make time for writing and taking care of myself.
Possibly a lot of time.

Harry Potter days

I have at last received the last Harry Potter.
From Amazon, 3 days ago.
Have strained myself to wait one day before starting it, as my brother and his partner were visiting, and I knew my social skills would go down vertiginously as soon as I would start.
Now I have started and am very impressed with myself that I haven't finished it yet.
The temptation was great to read through the night, but I decided to stop reading when the perspective of sleeping was more attractive than continuing the book.
What a book. What a universe.
J.K. Rowling really managed to create a universe that I want to get into and never to leave again. The return to "reality" is always painful and slow.
Dreams of flying brooms and wands follow me in my sleep, and thoughts of what might happen next drop uncontrollably into my mind all day.
And it is the last one.
I really admire J.K. Rowling for starting such a bestseller series of amazing books when she was a single mother, and jobless.
Great inspiration.